Little Ones Flying the Nest

Pebbles* is leaving this Friday. Look below for a picture of a chubby little naked bottom in a previous post, and those sweet cheeks belong to her! She's been "my" baby for quite some time. When she's upset, I'm the one she runs to, when she needs comforting she comes to me, when she is tired and "shreepy" she'll come to me. She's off to be with a foster family (a much better situation for her) but it makes my heart ache. I have played mommy for so long, that sometimes it's easy to forget that I am not. It is going to sound really dramatic, but knowing she's leaving has been one of the most difficult moments since I've been here, but I know that a more normal family structure is what she really needs, so my emotions fluctuate, but mostly hover around bitter sweet.
To my sweet cheeks Pebbles ...

I will miss chasing you around the cottage, the van, the store, away from the stray dogs you chase, and diving into the ocean fully clothed to keep you safe. I will miss your sticky hands, and your sweet, wet and sticky kisses. I will miss having to look up and say, "Oh no. Where's Pebbles?" every few minutes, and later find you elbow deep (and sometime face deep) in the toilet. I will miss your sweet little smiles still filled with teeth that haven't come in yet. I will miss being the one to hold you and care for you when you're sick, and when you have a fever. I will miss everyone 'chupsing' their teeth at me for not doing your hair very well. I will miss you nose diving for the crook of my neck when you're "schreepy", and the chubby little arms that you wrap around my neck. I will miss you crying when you see me leave. I will miss you crying out "Molllllly!" when you need me, and "Mommmmmyy" when you really need me. I will miss your little naked body in the tub as you squirm and giggle while I call you my 'little slippery bar of soap'. I will miss the weight of your body on my own as I sing to you in the dark of your room ... and that familiar slowing of your breathing as you drift off to sleep. I will miss every kissed boo boo, every dried tear, and every tender kiss and hug.

I wish I could put you in my pocket, and be that person for you forever. But I can't.

I love you
your mama molly, always and forever.



my sweet, sweet little one.