keep following :)

just to remind/ let people know, I am living in Perth, Australia now!

If you want to read about how things are going for me there, check out:

thank you for following me through everything in St. Croix!

love,
molls

Farewell to the island I have grown to LOVE

my island.

I can say that now. It belongs to me, and I to it to some extent. I have fallen, I have cried, I have felt broken, frustrated, disappointed in myself and others, overwhelmed and discouraged. I have felt love, peace, exhileration, heart flutters, joy, I have laughed ... a lot, experienced new things ... and most importantly ... I have learned a good deal about myself.

This year has been a rollercoaster mash up of difficult and joyous days ... but I have fallen in love with the island of St. Croix and the experiences that I have had here.



this guy saved my life once (no really, he did) but that's not the best
thing about him ... the best thing is that he dresses like this ...
every single day.


My beautiful girls. My gorgeous, wonderful girls. They have been the lifeblood of my good experiences here on the island. Every single moment of absolute pure joy that I felt while I was here, was with them. I adore them, I love them, and I hope and wish the very best for them in their lives ... and I plan to make sure that I keep in contact with the ones that I can.

The smell of the ocean, the salty breeze. The grown men who wake up in the morning and make the concious decision to dress like pirates even though they don't have to. The rhythm and flow of the Cruzan dialect. The color of the ocean when a storm is coming in. The way my friends always greet me with a kiss on the cheek. The cool feel of a Goya coconut water as I take large swigs from the oversized cans. Being able to watch coconuts slowly swell outside my bedroom window. Being made fun of by my roommates and friends about my latest romantic encounter. The rough hands of sailors. Interrupting DJs on radio stations. Cruzan fruit punch. The post slaughter satisfaction of killing a centipede. Strict Cruzan rules of propriety that frequently make me feel like I'm living in 19th century England ;). The immediate sense of community and family with the people that I meet. The smell of the wild fruit that grow everywhere on the island. Getting hit by vines in the rainforest. The sound of waterfalls. Cruzan food. Late crazy nights. My wonderful roommates and friends that have made this whole thing fun and a learning experience. I will miss it all.

I love you St. Croix. You are a part of me now ... a part of what makes me me.

A part of me will always be "from" St. Croix.

des yeux qui font baisser les miens ...

An acquaintance of mine, but a friend to several of my friends, had a very serious drunk driving incident while spending some time off island in St. Thomas. This incident lead to a fractured skull, and a collapsed bladder. She had to be medevaced to Florida for treatment, and fundraising to aid in her recovery began almost right away.

My friend Mariah is stellar at organizing fund raising events, and in the past has organized several for Queen Louise (raising $6500 for the year!). So she quickly organized another event, where she books music performers, poetry readers, and overall cool, creative people (all her friends, but very talented and professional, and all doing it for free). People buy tickets to take part, wine, and raffle tickets for donated items all to raise funds. And I was one of the acts that Mariah booked.

Now Mariah and I share a common affinity for French music, and Mariah is a singer, a good one to boot! So I offered to teach her how to sing Edith Piaf's La Vie en Rose once, meaning the pronunciation, and etc. She took that to mean that I could sing. Au contraire mon amie! I am not a good singer at all!! But by the time she had asked me to sing for Thalia's event, I had already said no to previous ones, and even though I only had a few brief interactions with Thalia, I thought she was a sweetheart, and I wanted to do what I could to help, in any way.

The event was being hosted at Polly's, and all of a sudden the friendly atmosphere of Polly's on the night of the performance began to make my throat feel tight, and my palms sweat. I excused myself while things were still being set up, and walked on the roof of Polly's and jumped onto the second story of the adjacent building to practice before the performance. I was so nervous, that I forgot the tune. The tune to La Vie en Rose, one of the harmonically most recognizable songs in the world! A song I've known and sung since I was 11 years old. I was nervous. It had been years since I had done even any real kind of public speaking.

A few things saved me. My roommate was the MC, and made me feel better about everything, Mariah put me second on the bill (phew! At least I didn't have to wait long!). And I had the beautiful view of the ocean to calm me down before as I practiced next to Polly's.

So I sang my song, and people were kind and supportive, and some guy who speaks French was in the back yelling, Encore! Encore!

I did a little better than I thought I might, surprsing both myself and a few others. I wasn't the best singer ever - far, far, far, from-  but I had fun, and I think others had fun with me ... so it worked out well. :)

Inside Polly's. I <3 that place!

I saw the guy who had saved me at gunpoint there, he was dressed
like a pirate ... AGAIN. I have come to the realization, after several
encounters ... that it wasn't because it was halloween, he dresses
like Captain Morgan (above) every day. That's right folks, I was saved
by an actual LEGIT (well, sort of legit) pirate in the Caribbean ...
so where exactly is my Orlando Bloom, hmmm?
By the way, that's Capt. Morgan at my favorite Deli in F'Sted,
Turtles, <3 that place too!!

The Pier ... which is a part of the view from "Polly's on the Pier"

Little Ones Flying the Nest

Pebbles* is leaving this Friday. Look below for a picture of a chubby little naked bottom in a previous post, and those sweet cheeks belong to her! She's been "my" baby for quite some time. When she's upset, I'm the one she runs to, when she needs comforting she comes to me, when she is tired and "shreepy" she'll come to me. She's off to be with a foster family (a much better situation for her) but it makes my heart ache. I have played mommy for so long, that sometimes it's easy to forget that I am not. It is going to sound really dramatic, but knowing she's leaving has been one of the most difficult moments since I've been here, but I know that a more normal family structure is what she really needs, so my emotions fluctuate, but mostly hover around bitter sweet.
To my sweet cheeks Pebbles ...

I will miss chasing you around the cottage, the van, the store, away from the stray dogs you chase, and diving into the ocean fully clothed to keep you safe. I will miss your sticky hands, and your sweet, wet and sticky kisses. I will miss having to look up and say, "Oh no. Where's Pebbles?" every few minutes, and later find you elbow deep (and sometime face deep) in the toilet. I will miss your sweet little smiles still filled with teeth that haven't come in yet. I will miss being the one to hold you and care for you when you're sick, and when you have a fever. I will miss everyone 'chupsing' their teeth at me for not doing your hair very well. I will miss you nose diving for the crook of my neck when you're "schreepy", and the chubby little arms that you wrap around my neck. I will miss you crying when you see me leave. I will miss you crying out "Molllllly!" when you need me, and "Mommmmmyy" when you really need me. I will miss your little naked body in the tub as you squirm and giggle while I call you my 'little slippery bar of soap'. I will miss the weight of your body on my own as I sing to you in the dark of your room ... and that familiar slowing of your breathing as you drift off to sleep. I will miss every kissed boo boo, every dried tear, and every tender kiss and hug.

I wish I could put you in my pocket, and be that person for you forever. But I can't.

I love you
your mama molly, always and forever.



my sweet, sweet little one.



Bits and Bobs ...

This post is a smattering of a few different things ... and is so titled because I distinctly remember hearing the hunky Australian working at Sunsail in Tortola referring to the 'odds and ends' as 'bits and bobs' ... so there we have it ... my bits and bobs post.

First ... I have yet to write about my family's visit to me here in St. Croix, and then our voyage betwixt planes, boats, and automobiles to and through the British Virgin Islands ... this will have it's own post when I find the gumption to write the expansive and exciting tale.

Until then ... back to the Bits and Bobs.

My Kiddies

Here are three of them. All three are near and dear to my heart, but the two on the right are two of my girls. Some of the sweetest moments of my life so far have been rocking both of those girls to sleep, or comforting them when they need me and call out my name. Working where I do has taught me so much. I have learned that there is nothing sweeter and no job more rewarding than being in a position to love and care for children ... from mopping up puke and changing diapers of diarrhea to kissing foreheads and singing lullabies ... every bit of it is worth it because it is often times followed by the feel of a soft delicate little face on your chest and a sense that this world is absolutely full of good.

Last night, the little girl in the pink bikini came out of bed and crawled onto the couch with me around 3 am (she's been plagued by nightmares lately, and I've had to wake her up and hold her a few times this week). Her eyes were big as she looked at me, "Miss Molly!" she cried woefully, a slight hint of a sob just at the edge of her voice. She jumped on me and wrapped her little arms around my neck. We sat together on the couch as I patted her back and reminded her that it was only a dream, and that Miss Molly would never let anything bad happen to her. I told her that I am a professional when it comes to fighting monsters and bad guys, and even did a little karate chop in the air to show her how very impressive my monster destroying skills are. She looked reassured and rested her head on my shoulder, and began to suck her thumb, and so we sat there, in the dark, and within in a few minutes she had fallen back to sleep.

People sometimes laugh at how few perks my job has ... but my barely five figure salary is plumped by the ultimate perk of all: having the opportunity to love every single one of the girls that I work with, every day, and in a very real way. True, there is no company retreat in Aspen, but I do get sweet little five year old arms wrapped around my neck when she gets scared, and the knowledge that they know who they can turn to.

The Southern Cross

I wish that I had found a picture that did the Southern Cross more justice (this really just doesn't do it for me). The day before Easter I was at Divi with a few of my roommates for another country concert (similar to the one where we met Chuck Wicks), and I got to meet a couple different stars again, so that was cool. But frankly, the coolest part of my night was seeing the Southern Cross for the very first time.

The concert was at the beach and in order for me to see it, I had to walk closer towards the water. I hadn't expected to see much of anything. Usually when people say they can see something in the sky ... I can't really tell what they're talking about amongst the confusion of all the other stars, and so I didn't have high hopes for the Southern Cross. Sure, I thought ... there, somewhere in the big sky will be the Southern Cross ... whatever.

But as I reached the edge of the water and looked south ... there, gleaming brilliantly and stunningly, was the well defined shape of the Southern Cross.

I couldn't believe it. It was so beautiful ... and much easier and clearer to see than even the big dipper. It was really moving. I was standing alone in the sand at the edge of the night covered ocean that was flirtatiously kissing my toes and there above me, in all of my insignificance, was the glory of the Southern Cross. Beautiful. It was just beautiful.

Mangoes and Cruzan Fall

Fall leaves, heaps and heaps of fall leaves, that's what we currently have in St. Croix, and I would know, I spent three hours raking up leaves at the Woman's Coalition in Frederiksted on Saturday. We have so many leaves that outside of the cottage we have eight industrial sized black garbage bags full of leaves. They are brown and yellow, and they're everywhere. There's enough for children to jump in, enough to soften a landing, enough to have an awesome leaf fight (just watch out for centipedes and gongolos!).  There are a lot ... I feel like I live in the Caribbean version of Vermont!

This fact combined with the fact that I just saw the Southern Cross a little more than a week ago is making me wonder ... exactly which hemisphere am I in?

The mango and genip trees are experiencing a bit of a "fall" season. No one has really been able to explain to me why this is ... to everyone here ... it simply "is", it's one of those things you don't question. "Ya we have fall leaves in April/May ... doesn't everyone?" But no matter why it's happening, I no longer care to question it because it is absolutely beautiful. A touch of fall is good for my soul ... as are the mangoes I've been buying at the store for cheap! :)

Definitely ... Something to Write About ...

So I wasn't sure if I wanted to post this here ... but finally decided to go ahead and do it.

Here is a copy of an email I sent to a friend about my recent adventures ... (p.s. to the fam ... no worries over my mention of a boy)

Don't know who Chuck Wicks is? Click the link below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KHAaRxyuQk 

Chuck Wicks.

I don’t even know where to start.

So remember how I said I would try and do a little dance with him just for you? Well, St. Croix has apparently made me an overachiever and let’s just say that the following story ends with me in bed with Chuck Wicks, in his hotel room in his pajamas.

I guess we have to rewind to a few days ago, it won’t make sense why I had to share this at first, but I’ll make reference to it later. So a few days ago I was out with my roommates and I was a little weepy over a guy (I'm apparently 12). Now, don’t worry so much about the boy bit … we kissed a couple days after this (so everything worked out in the end). But this guy came over and gave me some napkins and said, “You know what? It will all be okay.” For one, I was just being overly dramatic and most likely suffering from sleep deprivation (working nights makes me a little crazy) ... but, I was touched that a stranger wanted to make sure that I felt better.

Now flash forward to a few days later.

So, my roommates and I go to the 10^th Annual Chili cook-off, and they’ve brought in a few country singers, Bombshell, Jamie O’Neal, and, of course, Chuck Wicks. They have the cook-off … the day rolls into early evening, the stars sing, and they finish with Chuck Wicks. Chuck Wicks does his thing and then the plan had been to go up to the rainforest and dance the night away and meet up with my ‘love’.  But my roommates were invited to meet up at the terrace at the Buccaneer by a local musician/friend, who one of my roommates is kind of interested in. So off we went.

As we sit at the bar of the terrace all of sudden the singers of the night began coming in. And the musician friend is actually part of the crew of more famous people. And next thing I know … we’re sitting at a table with Chuck Wicks and his crew. Chuck is sitting next to one roommate, I’m sitting next to Chuck’s Australian guitarist, Richie, and our other roommate is sitting in between the two of us. They’ve all ordered food and apparently Chuck and Richie had ordered the Sea Bass, but they were served the salmon. They sent it back (seems a little prissy to me, but whatever) and we were like, don’t through it away, we’ll eat it. So … we ate their reject (but really delicious food), and they ordered pizza and we had some of that and we were just having a good time.  

They were all really nice, and wanted to make sure we were having a good time. And at one point, my roommates were talking about how much they really like Chuck’s song, and they kept chiming in, and one roommate is a recent convert to country music, and she had said “Three days ago I didn’t even like country music, and now I do.” And they were gushing (not in a weird way) over his new song. Then he turned to me with a look like, ‘and what do you think?’ and I responded kind of flatly, “oh, ya, sorry, I like it too.” This made a few people laugh … including Chuck.  (I didn’t mean to be rude … but I was missing seeing my crush in the rainforest and hadn’t really been paying attention to their conversation).

The hours continued and all of a sudden, people were like, let’s pull out a guitar, let’s grab the baby grand in the corner … and let’s jam! So for several hours Chuck, his guitarist, and a song writer sat around and took people’s requests for songs … Tom Petty, the Beatles, (and of course country) you name it, they sang it … and everyone sang with them (but at the this point, my roommates make up half of the listening audience, the other half being mostly their general crew of people).  It was surreal to be singing “Hey Jude” at the top of my lungs … helping to embody the obnoxious musician hotel guest stereotype, who are being so loud that their manager texted Chuck that he could hear us from his room. The night continues, hours pass, and soon it’s only the few people who are left sitting around a piano while this time the song writer and Chuck make up songs on the spot.

It was crazy cool to see two professional song writers just have fun with things. Have you ever seen Dan in Real Life, when the two brothers are sitting at the piano and playing “pig-faced Lucy”? Well, the scene looked just like that … only I was sitting at the piano next to Chuck.

Chuck and I bonded to some degree, because he learned that I’m Mormon and apparently Chuck dated a Mormon girl for two years (and just saying … he’s got some wounds about that relationship … but I guess he wouldn’t be a country star if he didn’t). And when they were making up songs about goofy things, he turned and made one up about ‘a chick crying at the bar’ (because it was his friend Lee who had helped me out in my distress and apparently Chuck was there that night too) and then it ended as an ode to my Mormon-ness.

So Chuck Wicks, wrote and dedicated a song to me … about me. Watch out world, if you hear a song by Chuck Wicks about a girl crying … it’s a song about me.

Then more people were leaving, but Lee invited the handful of us left to go down to the beach and play the guitar. We weren’t sure whether or not we wanted to leave at that point … and this is where things got a little crazy. But Lee and the song writer, whose name is Joel, finally convinced us to come down instead of go home. But the way this resort is organized, the terrace is far away from the rooms, and a couple people drove, and everyone else walked.

One roommate left with Lee, and the other roommate needed her jacket from the car, so I went with her. But by the time we got to the rooms … we realized we didn’t know which one was the one we were regrouping at to go to the beach. We finally saw an empty hotel room, and walked in, but no one was there. We walked down to the beach looking for our roommate, and no one was there. We couldn’t find anyone. We were a little worried, but after an hour of looking … there wasn’t much that we could do, and we decided they had just run into some other friend. So we sat in the hotel room … that we hoped was Lee’s.

Then after a while … my roommate and I got comfortable. First we were on the bed watching ‘Just Married’ … and then we got in the bed, and we were helping ourselves to some pineapple juice we had found, and laughed when we also saw ensure in the fridge. But then it was cold, and we were soon in the bed watching the movie. Another forty minutes later … and we’re snug in bed together drinking pineapple juice, and cracking jokes about this not being Lee's room, because after all … we were just guessing … when from the terrace we heard a thump, and Lee and our other roommate walked in. Apparently they had had a bit of their own adventure, and they laughed when they saw us.

My one roommate went straight to the unoccupied bed, and began to fall asleep (it was really late at this point).  And Lee got into bed with my roommate and I and we watched Just Married together for a bit. I felt three to a bed was a bit much … so I got out and joined my other roommate in the other bed. When Chuck showed up at the terrace door because he hadn’t been able to sleep and he saw the four of us tucked in bed watching Just Married, he decided to join us, and got into bed with my roommate and I … I guess I look like someone who likes family bed … so there I was … in bed, with Chuck in his PJs.

It was weird because Chuck and Lee kept talking about not liking Ashton Kutcher … who Chuck knows in passing, but Lee knows personally … that’s crazy. And apparently Lee was good friends with Brittany Murphy. Again … crazy.

But despite saying that as ‘manly men’ they couldn’t watch it, they watched it with us.

Then the movie ended, and we went home.

We got a flat on the highway at 4:30 am on the way home … but that’s a story for another time.

So no dance … but several hugs … one song dedicated to me, and another one where he mentioned me, private show and jam session later … I got one for the team Missy P!

Love you!

Molly

p.s. thanks for enduring the long email!!!

So. There you have it. Life is crazy here on St. Croix ... plum crazy.

My New (or not so new) Normal

I've regrettably been pretty bad at posting things on my blog. I promise I've been thinking about it, and trying to decide what to write about. I felt like nothing really had been happening recently in my life ... my life is a lovely, but a pretty similar weaving of work, sleep, and a little bit of time spent with my roommates.

But it then occurred to me that really, there's a lot going on in my life, and there are a lot of things that I want to remember when I leave ... but slowly and surely the things that would have awestruck me when I first arrived in St. Croix hardly cause a blip on my radar now. I've been living on St. Croix for the last seven months, and seeing the blue of the ocean from my house, directing a half sleeping five year old to the bathroom, having a stranger ask me to marry him on the street, seeing various steel pan concerts and parades, and gorging on season rice and fried plantains have become a "new normal" for me. Which in some ways, I love ... but I also want to make sure that I take the time to really savor my experiences here, because I know that the life I've grown so accustomed to won't last forever ... and it will only be my normal for another five months.

So here I have decided to honor those, perhaps mundane, little things that go on in my life that I don't always pay enough attention to now, but that I know I will miss when I leave.

1. Miss Judy - she is an older woman, with deep creases in her cheeks, and a smile perpetually on her face who walks around the boardwalk in Christiansted selling little knick knacks, toys, and chewing gum out a plastic bin that she has gerry-rigged to a baby stroller. She'll wear a long flowing skirt, and a happy looking hat with a fake flower embellishment, making her look like an Eliza Doolittle that never found her doctor. She likes to stop in front of the Brew Pub and dance and laugh, and grab someone from the crowd and take them on a merry spin around the dance floor - but not without shouting for customers first! ;)

2. The mama dogs of Queen Louise - Queen Louise is also a little known refuge for expectant mothers - well, of the canine variety.

We've had mama dogs of every kind calling Queen Louise home. Their chubby little pups yelping and rolly polly-ing around in the grass. One mama dog barked and ran after me at lightening speed to protect her little brood, and ended up chasing me all the way back into my cottage from the parking lot! I ran so fast that I think my feet only grazed the very tips of the grass without actually stepping foot on the earth.

One of our little 'uns after watching one such mama said one of my all time favorite QLH quotes ... in his very sweet 'little man' rough three year old voice, "Look at that dog with all those little penises!" (speaking of her very full teats) - ha! that always gets everyone laughing in my house.

3. The ocean looks different every day.

I've lived near the ocean before, and as a little girl living in Lisbon I remember standing on our veranda on my tippy toes to watch the flicks of little white sails in the distance on the water. I could watch the water for hours then, but never noticed, or maybe it's only a Caribbean thing, that the ocean looks different every single day. Some days it looks like the entire island has been swallowed by a cloud of gray color. Everything is gray from the sky, to the houses, to swaying trees, and even the ocean seems swallowed in by the murky gray. Other days everything glistens with shine and brilliant sparkle, the greens of the trees feels greener, and the ocean glints with a silver sheen. Other days the ocean is a soft and still blue, a blue so clear and pronounced that it feels never ending, like the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, it feels as if there must be a golden city at the end of that ocean's blue.

But just like in Arizona where the sky is a painter's palate, and it seems that it saves it's most beautiful canvases for monsoon season where the roaring sky sings out in glories of blues, purples, pinks, oranges and saturated reds, the ocean is the same in Caribbean. When the weather is nasty, hurricanes barrelling towards our small little island, that is when the ocean shines its brightest. The water swirls in streams of a full spectrum of turquoise shades, deep blues, and frothy whites. And it seems to stop even the most weathered islanders in their tracks as everyone stands, and can't help but watch, the beauty of the ocean in it's raw ferocity. 

4. Family

Here it is so common to run into friends. And if you go somewhere on your own, odds are high that you'll come back home having made a new friend. People here are very kind, and especially among state-siders there is a strong sense of family amongst all of us ragamuffin adults who have somehow found ourselves on this island. On St. Patty's day, I had lost my roommates and I was scooped up and saved by an acquaintance who set me up me on her couch for the night, but not before letting me watch as much Lifetime as my little heart could handle before falling asleep. People really love and look out for one another here, and I really appreciate that.

There's so much more I could write about, but this blog is getting a little long ... so I guess there is more going on than I sometimes think there is. I love this island very much, I love my job as a mama to the five girls I currently have, and to the three who have come and gone since I began here. I am grateful for the chance to experience a culture that has been more foriegn, in many respects, than any other culture has been to me. It has been a refreshing and very unexpected experience in my life, and something that I am more than grateful for. It's amazing to me ... the places we find ourselves in in life ... so unexpectedly, and so beautifully.